I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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