meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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