i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
