I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
