i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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