I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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