It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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