Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
