just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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