So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
