Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
