I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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