I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
