my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
