We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
