She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
