lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
