This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
