last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
