Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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