is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
BRING THE BAGELS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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