I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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