if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
