you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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