Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
