Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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