Sry I called you an 8
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She announced her abortion via fbk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
