sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Boobs speak an international language.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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