aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
