You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
