I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
