Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
