Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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