Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
