you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize