yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
