People with herpes should wear stickers.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
