There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
