I think im going to throw up on grandma
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
