Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
