i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize