I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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