you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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