can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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