I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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