You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
