Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
