it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
