You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
