dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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