Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
