I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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