Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
