My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
