I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
