im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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