I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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