It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
