Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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