Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
