i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
