I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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