So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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