i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
