We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
