why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found the puke drawer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
