either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
