I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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