We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
