Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
