I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize