yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
