I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wear drunk well.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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