The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
