WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
