Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do herpes really smell.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
