hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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