Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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