just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
