yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
