after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
