i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
