my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
