That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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