The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
