I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
