I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
