are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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