my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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