He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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