she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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