What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dick has a subreddit
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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