I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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