the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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