Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
