It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am available for nakedness
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
