You can't motorboat a personality
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
