i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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