U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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