Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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