I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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