Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize