Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
