Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
