I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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