Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
