I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
