I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
