I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
