How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
