escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
