drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
