you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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